Saturday, September 08, 2007

Of Montreal - Care of Cell 44/Starman

Things I Heard In Class

On my first day of classes I was inspired to write down a line from each of my teachers' introductory lectures. As it were, my three teachers ended up being completely different from one another but had all said at least one funny line. My Psychology teacher was the original inspiration for this project as he was my first teacher of the day. He spoke the words "I'm a masochist I guess, but it's fun"... Most impressionable first time community college students would be horrified to hear the first teacher of the day speak such a line but as usual, I laughed in the face of adversity.
The second Line of the day came from my Mythology teacher. This all took place two rooms down the hallway from the Psychology class in the Arts & Sciences building, an area of the building eerily reminiscent of the English hall at Hastings High School. "You want it? Take advantage of me". Anyone could understand the use of these sentences when in the proper context - which they were - but he repeated himself over and over again. " I'm here, take advantage of me", "take advantage of me, that's what I'm here for". Two days later he called in an order to the LCC magic movie phone and a movie miraculously started playing itself in our classroom. The process of starting the movie was much better than the video itself. I can only imagine what kind of movie he would order when a student was finally there to take advantage of him.
The third line comes from a Woman who reminded me of a high school teacher in another building that reminded me of a high school. This woman was proud to tell us that she had been teaching at LCC for almost 25 years! "What's wrong with working somewhere 24 years"? I wondered. I was answered with what became the most inappropriate display of control I had ever encountered in a classroom. Sure, I had to put up with a Feminazi in highschool and her hand chosen replacement for while she was out giving birth to a very unlucky baby. This was a new experience, this woman was really proud of herself for accomplishing what many retired high school teachers accomplish - Teaching community college. What's worse is that there is a Big Ten University one mile down the street. "You know how there's a state called Maryland? Well, this is Diane-land". She then made us whip her up a writing sample, even though we had all placed into her honors level class through standardized testing. Diane thought it was great that LCC had an open door policy and all but she wanted to comb through the group herself, after all three people were on a waiting list to get in to that very class. I wrote something stupid about McDonalds wasting a lot of food after it expires minutes after being cooked and dropped the class the next day. Now there are two people on the waiting list and I'm $500 richer. Unfortunately they won't get to see Diane's opening credits or get the LCC drop class policy handed to them on their first day of school in 4 years. I wonder what she thought of my essay?